He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
