i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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