i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
