no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
