We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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