so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
