Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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