We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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