Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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