dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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