New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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