I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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