He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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