So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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