Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Randomize
