I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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