I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
