I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
