so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
