I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
