if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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