Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
