I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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