we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
