he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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