I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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