Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
