can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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