Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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