I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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