I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
