Already got asked if we're dating
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
