I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
