I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
