Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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