everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
