i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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