I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize