i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
