erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
