ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Life is so much better after having sex.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
