best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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