we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
