Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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