why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
