I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
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My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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