What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize