We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I need a burrito and a hug.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
