Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
