is your mom at the bar?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
