Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
