Duck Duck Cougar?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
