Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
