hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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