big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
