Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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