First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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