Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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