Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
