just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
