Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
