Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
