Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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