I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
