i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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