I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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