guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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