No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
