So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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