I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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