I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
