i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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