Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
