Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just blew my weed a kiss
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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