fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
