i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
