Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
